Sometimes life is a bit complicated. I know I am stating the bloody obvious. I have been wrangling this question in my mind for a few years now. I don’t think the question would have ever entered my mind if I had not meet a certain man through my husband who was very open-minded.
My mind is always racing frantically anyway but when we sat around in his living room
discussing all sorts of things a seed of sorts had been planted in my mind. Maybe it was the wine that had relaxed me the most or just the open way we had of expressing ourselves that opened Pandora’s box in my mind. He revealed to us that he and his partner were “swingers” but he didn’t quite use that term. It’s been so long ago that I can’t recall the exact words that he used but I often correspond with him because I share lots of my erotica with him.
He had asked me if I was open to sex outside marriage and how I felt about my husband sleeping with other women outside of our marriage. My head was spinning. All I kept thinking was what if he loves them more than he loves me. What if the women react better than I do? So that in itself told me that this sort of relationship would not be conducive to us. I was too selfish and prideful at that point to entertain the thought of introducing someone else into our relationship.
My hubby and I still talk about this subject. I am not one to keep secrets. I have had relationships where they say they are being truthful yet I find out that they were keeping secrets. I think if I were to go down the road of having a relationship outside of my marriage, I would have to be 100% honest with everyone involved and have everyone involved with me have the same mindset. I have that already with my hubby. I expect that now because it’s not too much to ask especially if you will be allowing someone to be intimate with you.
It’s not that I don’t love my husband. I do with all my heart. I just wonder what else is out there. I do use my erotica to explore that part of me but is that enough? My sex drive is much stronger than his. It’s healthy to have fantasy.
If he were to tell me that he has met someone that he wants to get to know better, I think I am more willing to let him explore more. I do believe in the end he would come back to me. He just isn’t interested at the moment. As for me, the situation isn’t really being pursued. I keep thinking it would get way too complicated. I guess you will only make it as complicated as you want it to be. If everyone sets boundaries and keep to them it should be fine.
I also don’t think I would be a swinger because I have a huge problem separating sex from love. I do get attached easily especially if I feel a connection with someone. Love comes in all sorts of forms just like people. I don’t take sex lightly though in my stories I do but the real me just doesn’t work like that. Part of me wishes I could be like that, disconnect and just indulge in the bliss. I guess it all comes down to the way I grew up, my background and the person I am.
Sex for sex’s sake is just fine. I, myself, could see myself in a polyamorous relationship if the right person came along who could accept the fact that I am a happily married lady who wants to explore potential. I’m not walking away from my marriage. I want to enhance it. There are people out there who would think I have lost my mind making that sort of statement. I am not here to judge; I’m here to live!