I know I was quite flirty today when we spoke. I couldn’t help myself. It had been so long
since I had heard your voice. I felt so giddy. My mind was in the gutter as usual and everything you said just kept me there until of course another friend joined our conversation. I was happy for a while until I realize you were focused on her. I am not jealous of her. If I am really honest maybe I was a little jealous but you are a bigger flirt than I am. You made me blush as well as her by some of the comments you made but the one thing that has me in a quandary is the bomb you dropped on us both.
At the end of the year, your live in is moving out and you are planning on coming out to visit me. Is it bad for me to admit that part of me is happy? Part of me doesn’t really believe that you will be able to come see me but a girl can dream. In my dreams you are with me but the reality is that the distance between us is humongous. I had a feeling that things with her would not work out but I don’t want to take joy in this. When she told you that she wanted to try with you to build a life together I was happy for you and sad for myself because I knew things with us would end. I had made that rule which we both agreed to. Everything for you wasn’t as rosy as you thought it would be. Now you are trying to help her back to where she was before she moved in with you. Part of me is so happy because I want what I want but in the end your happiness is what matters most.
I want you to be happy. I know I will always be number 2. It’s only fair because that is all I can give you. I want you to have someone who can be with you the way you want. I want her to have the same sort of sexual passion that you have. I want someone who will keep up with you and keep you on your toes. In my little universe I can have you and my hubby but the real world always invades bursting the joy bubble that I have inside my head. People say it’s all in the mind but I really wonder how much truth there is in that statement. I am forever having conversations in my head with you. I know I should be speaking to you but you always get distracted by other things. Our time together is short at best.
It would be nice to hug you. It would be nice to see your smile. It would be nice to just let nature take its course between us so I guess I will have to wait to see what the future holds for us both. I hope the new year will bring you to me so you can see how good I have it. If not, I will have to save because I was planning on returning to the land of my birth in two years anyway to visit lots of friends and relatives across the country. I have seeing you on my wish list. Is seeing me really on your wish list too?