An escape from reality is sometimes the thing you just need to do. It’s really fun though when you can have company along the way.
It can’t just be just anybody. It has to be someone who can relate. Someone who is willing to take your hand or vice versa and go on the adventure with you.
It could be tango dancing or exploring a whole new world. It might be spelunking in a cave or just talking about some outrageous scheme.
The thing is I want to find the person but is this taking things too far? Should I create this make believe land or just resign myself to the fact that fantasy is best to be just that fantasy. I can have the ideal in my head but why is there such a drive inside to find another to share this with. Am I being selfish? Am I deluding myself? I suppose I should be satisfied with what I have yet there is this desire.
Have you missed me? Have you missed my cheeky irreverence? Have you missed my flirtation? Do you miss the conversations we’ve had? The way we discussed things so freely. The openess you said I had was so fun.
I am questioning again if what we had was real. Did I imagine the connection? I think I must have but then we touch base again. I get confirmation causing the doubt to end. It’s the silence that’s the bringer of doubt.
Which brings me back to the question I proposed first, do you miss me? Are you glad I’m back again ready to share?
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The idea had been formulating in her mind over years. It was a calculated risk for all parties involved but if executed properly everyone involved would be happy. The reality of the situation though is that things don’t often go to plan. Ideas are great on paper or in the mind but making them reality were on a totally different level which could backfire or derail at any moment. She wasn’t going to let fear though dictate what she wanted to transpire.
The tickets had been purchased. The car rental arranged. She had the address. There were so many other factors out of her control. It frightened her yet also added to the sense of anticipation she had built on the idea over the years.
It’s one thing to have a fantasy. It was another thing to try and make the fantasy a reality which was what she been plotting. No one had an inkling of what she had in mind. None of her family or her own partner knew her plot. He did know of the little dalliance she had with another man online. They had used this little scenario to heighten their own pleasure when they made love. It wasn’t a secret to either of the men in her life. They knew of the other party involved. She didn’t think she was being duplicitous even though she didn’t let her partner know that while she was away she was going to meet Larry. He often travelled for work and she did as well since she was going to a conference the following day in Chicago. She just neglected to inform her partner that she was seeing Larry, her online confidant/lover for his birthday. Larry had no idea either because it was THE surprise.
The plane touched down 5 minutes early. She rushed to the car rental, collected the car, and put Larry’s address into the GPS. It was 7 pm. Was he even going to be home? He could have gone out with friends to a local bar or to watch a game. If he wasn’t home how long was she willing to wait for him to get back? The questions fired off as she followed the instructions the GPS told her to do. Her flight back to Chicago was at 8 AM which meant she had to be back to the airport by 7. She didn’t have any luggage. She had all she needed in her oversized attaché case.
“You have reached your destination on the left.” The GPS announced in the whiny American female voice which grated her nerves. She pulled over, switched off the engine and collected her thoughts. She felt nauseous. Her palms were sweaty. What if he totally rejected her? She pounded the steering wheel to calm herself. Fear was not going to deter her. She looked at her reflection in the rear-view mirror. She needed to just relax. Deep cleansing breaths in and out slowly. She felt herself relax. She glanced at the car clock. 7:35. How long had she been sitting there trying to calm herself? She opened the car door. A Ford truck pulled into his driveway. She watched a man exit the truck with a 12 pack of beer. He didn’t even notice anyone as he started for the front door. Quickly she exited her rental, trying to act calm and sensual. She almost laughed at herself but focussed more on trying to be alluring than comical.
“Larry!?” Her voice broke the silence in the neighbourhood. He spun around to see who was addressing him. His face didn’t show any recognition at first. He watched the woman approaching trying to figure out how he was supposed to know her. It dawned on her that she might have just made the hugest mistake of her life. She reassured herself that life wasn’t living if you didn’t take a risk. His smile didn’t show recognition at all but common courtesy.
“Do I know you?” He still had his keys out heading towards the front door. He wasn’t sure what to make of this woman heading towards him in a business suit and oversized attaché case.
“It’s Jackie.” She crossed the street. Her shoes crunched on the driveway. He didn’t recognize her name. What was wrong with him? Obviously he didn’t think as highly of her as she thought of him. All those hours of talking online were for naught. She should probably just go book a motel room close to the airport and call Tom for phone sex. She should have never planned this birthday surprise for Larry who couldn’t even remember her.
He mumbled her name trying to figure out who she was. “OMFG!! Really Larry you don’t fucking recognize my name. And I stupidly bought all those lines you told me and whispered in my ear.” She spun around to get back to her rental. It was the tone of exasperation that hit Larry like a ton of bricks. “NO FUCKING WAY! Jackie from Australia?”
She spun around all venom now. “HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY DUDE!” She slammed the door shut while he ran towards the vehicle trying to stop her from leaving. She hit the start button. He put the 12 pack on the roof of her car. He flung himself across the hood to get the passenger door. He felt the car lurch. The passenger door wouldn’t open. “Come on Jackie, open the door.”
He saw the fire in her blue eyes that he always imagined it would have. He couldn’t believe she was really there but it was her. She had tears in her eyes. He never imagined she would pull off coming to see him but she was there and he had blown it.”Open the fucking door! And put this car into park. We can talk can’t we?”
Instead of unlocking the door she rolled down the window so they wouldn’t have to yell at each other. “It seems that is all I am good for… a good old chat!” She put the car in park. The beer was still on the roof. He tried to unlock the door from the window. She looked at him in his t-shirt. This was not the way she had imagined meeting him for the first time. In her mind she had romanticized how it would happen. They would have both been prepared. She couldn’t really blame him for not recognizing her.
“Hunny you didn’t even tell me you were in the area. How was I supposed to know you were going to be here. I thought you were in Australia.”
“If I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise.” She huffed but laughed at herself. “I wanted to be a surprise.”
“You want to come in and have a beer?” He retrieved the 12 pack from her roof.
She turned off the car. She grabbed her attaché case again exiting the vehicle after she rolled up the window. They both headed across the street. He opened the front door. “Sorry for the mess,” he apologized. “I wasn’t expecting company.”
“Got any glasses?” She asked him as she took out the bottle of champagne she had brought for herself.
He motioned for her to sit on the sofa after he moved the pizza boxes. He switched on the television which had a football game about to start. He returned with a wine glass for her and a bottle opener for himself. He sat down besides her opening the champagne for her and a bottle of beer for himself.
“To the birthday boy!” Jackie toasted and clicked her glass against his beer bottle. She took a sip from her glass.
He took a sip of beer just drinking in her presence. “As I live and breathe Jackie I never thought I would have met you today of all days. It’s been pretty fucked up for a birthday.”
She wasn’t sure how to respond to his statement. “A real shitter aye?” She finished the glass of bubbly and poured herself another.
He took the glass from her. He placed it on the coffee table. He pulled her close and kissed her gently at first with a hunger burning inside them both that took their breath away. It was no chaste kiss but one that promised potential that would consume them both if they were left to their own devices which was what Jackie had wanted all along. They kissed again. Hands roamed and fondled as they wanted. She took of her jacket and he took off his t-shirt. Clothes went flying mouths were exploring and touching. As more skin was revealed it was covered in kisses or flicked with a tongue. They were on the sofa doing as lovers are oft to do. After it was all over, he kissed the top of her head. “I know you are here but I don’t really know why you came.”
“I thought that was pretty obvious why I came. You knew how to play me.” The both laughed at her pun.
“I don’t know why you decided to be my birthday present.”
“Curiosity was the motivator. I had an opportunity and wanted to make the fantasy a reality. Is that so bad?”
“I don’t think so but you make it hard.”
“I certainly try my best to make you hard. A girl does enjoy sex when she’s got a good partner.”
“When do you have to leave?”
“In the morning so you better enjoy your birthday while it lasts. I have to be in Chicago for a conference.”
“How long will you be in Chicago?”
“Larry it’s only a 3 day conference. I don’t expect you to come and see me there. I just wanted to make your birthday memorable for you especially since it had such a fucked up start.”
He hugged her tight.”The birthday surprise certainly made up for the fuck up.”
After a month of holding back, staying quiet, being mindful of how discreet we had to be it was so good to finally have the sort of sexual encounter that literally had me feeling like honey. I am pretty sure being in our own bed had something to do with my reaction. I knew I could just let go. I could revel in the sensations you were putting me through. Your touch was like honey. You had me creating my own sort of honey too. I felt as if I were sticky but oh so sweet. When you went down on me it was as if you were a hummingbird collecting my nectar from a honeysuckle blossom.
It was as if I was honey. Every time I thought I had enough you just got me going again and again. I couldn’t get honey out of my mind. I kept chanting honey. It was as if we were feeding off of each others energy. You would give and I would take. I would give and you would take. I didn’t want the production to stop but eventually you gave in to your own honey exploding into my honey pot.
I can’t wait for it to happen again. I anticipate our next encounter with each other when you are my honey and I am your honey. We’ll get all sticky, sweet, and indulge each others whims. Just let me know honey when you need another dip!
I want to be a blind man’s Iphone. It gets much more action than I ever get. Life before the Iphone was not so bad. I actually felt much more needed. He would never give his mobile that much attention until this stupid Iphone came into his life. I hate to admit this but I’m envious of voice over. I can’t believe all the flicks, twists, and pinches it gets. I get much less action than the Iphone now. I want to be triple clicked home. I want to be flicked. I can’t get over the action this Iphone has gotten as he has gotten more confident using it. I can’t get over the two finger double tap. I haven’t ever gotten a two finger double tap that much from him. Two finger flick down to read a selection. Omg! I think he has never two finger flicked down on me or even up. Just think of how things in our bedroom would be if he were to do some of these gestures to me. If he would rotate my nipples like he rotates the rotor, he might actually discover reactions from me he never had before. I’ll never forget the other night when I couldn’t sleep and thought I heard another woman’s voice only to discover he was using his Iphone. He wasn’t snoring but tapping and flicking away like it was the most sane thing to do. When I left the bed, he didn’t even bother to check on me. I know this sounds pathetic but I want to be a blind man’s Iphone so I can get the action that the Iphone receives. I want to be a blind man’s Iphone that gets really good useage.
The last time we spoke you were having problems with your cable. I sent text messages but was greeted with no response. I am getting used to this. Our mutual friend hasn’t heard from you either which has us both wondering about you. She is far more understanding then I am when it comes to human nature.
This silence just brings out the longing in me. I hate it’s persistent grip on my mind.I am forever longing to be in contact with you. It feels like decades at times. I crave to hear your voice or just know that you are ok just busy with your own life. I have my own life too. I have a great life. I have a devoted husband who loves me but what exactly is this longing that I have for you.
I have said this before and I am sure I will say it again but I think I am going insane with this dang longing for you. It wants to rip me apart. Maybe it’s the dang appeal of you that drives me crazy. The sound of your voice, the innuendos that we speak of but never do. I think I am really losing it. I don’t think you care about me as much as you say you do. I think I have built you up in my mind.
It’s like a fantasy that has so much potential and if the reality ever came to be it would tear us apart. Do I have a desire to self destruct? I wonder if we all do. I want to lash out and scream for you. I want you to take me in your arms and crush out all these fears that are telling me to doubt you; to doubt the feeling that I have for you.
I try to convince myself that what we have isn’t real but if I am right why am I having these feelings of longing. I am questioning if you have these longings too but why should you if this isn’t real for you. I am going round in circles in my head. This silence from you isn’t helping me either. It’s just feeding the paranoia.
I know we live in two different worlds and when we come together we create our own. I know how insane I sound but nobody gets us like we do. I have this with my husband but I have this with you too and I know how greedy I am how greedy I can be.
I want what I want when I want it but sometimes you have to deal with the cards you are dealt with which only feeds the longing that I feel. Do you feel this longing too? Do you feel this longing for me? Please I beg you answer me.
I know I was quite flirty today when we spoke. I couldn’t help myself. It had been so long
“Jealousy and Flirtation” depicts a woman jealous of the attention given to another woman by a man. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
since I had heard your voice. I felt so giddy. My mind was in the gutter as usual and everything you said just kept me there until of course another friend joined our conversation. I was happy for a while until I realize you were focused on her. I am not jealous of her. If I am really honest maybe I was a little jealous but you are a bigger flirt than I am. You made me blush as well as her by some of the comments you made but the one thing that has me in a quandary is the bomb you dropped on us both.
At the end of the year, your live in is moving out and you are planning on coming out to visit me. Is it bad for me to admit that part of me is happy? Part of me doesn’t really believe that you will be able to come see me but a girl can dream. In my dreams you are with me but the reality is that the distance between us is humongous. I had a feeling that things with her would not work out but I don’t want to take joy in this. When she told you that she wanted to try with you to build a life together I was happy for you and sad for myself because I knew things with us would end. I had made that rule which we both agreed to. Everything for you wasn’t as rosy as you thought it would be. Now you are trying to help her back to where she was before she moved in with you. Part of me is so happy because I want what I want but in the end your happiness is what matters most.
I want you to be happy. I know I will always be number 2. It’s only fair because that is all I can give you. I want you to have someone who can be with you the way you want. I want her to have the same sort of sexual passion that you have. I want someone who will keep up with you and keep you on your toes. In my little universe I can have you and my hubby but the real world always invades bursting the joy bubble that I have inside my head. People say it’s all in the mind but I really wonder how much truth there is in that statement. I am forever having conversations in my head with you. I know I should be speaking to you but you always get distracted by other things. Our time together is short at best.
It would be nice to hug you. It would be nice to see your smile. It would be nice to just let nature take its course between us so I guess I will have to wait to see what the future holds for us both. I hope the new year will bring you to me so you can see how good I have it. If not, I will have to save because I was planning on returning to the land of my birth in two years anyway to visit lots of friends and relatives across the country. I have seeing you on my wish list. Is seeing me really on your wish list too?