Make believe land

An escape from reality is sometimes the thing you just need to do. It’s really fun though when you can have company along the way.

It can’t just be just anybody. It has to be someone who can relate. Someone who is willing to take your hand or vice versa and go on the adventure with you. 

It could be tango dancing or exploring a whole new world. It might be spelunking in a cave or just talking about some outrageous scheme.

The thing is I want to find the person but is this taking things too far? Should I create this make believe land or just resign myself to the fact that fantasy is best to be just that fantasy. I can have the ideal in my head but why is there such a drive inside to find another to share this with. Am I being selfish? Am I deluding myself? I suppose I should be satisfied with what I have yet there is this desire. 

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Another Sleepless Night

I’ve been crying over things. Friends who don’t stay in touch. A death of a sibling whom I felt extremely close to but something got in the way and years went by and I always thought I would get another hug. It’s not going to happen ever in this lifetime for me. 

A good cry is sometimes what is needed. I’ve been missing another someone but it’s almost like I am grieving or adrift in a rip because they just aren’t responding. I should just phone or  drop a line again. It just gets tiring always reaching out no response.

Songs keep popping into my head like Sting ‘When you love somebody’ or Sheryl Crow ‘favorite mistake’ which just makes me feel more adrift. 

Time to let go; perhaps way past time to let go but I still hold on tight in this rip I am caught in because this person reminds me of my beloved sibling whom I lost. 

Is it some demented primal game I am taunting myself with? It’s another sleepless night grappling with a situation which should be so simple to deal with but it’s complicated in my mind.

Have you missed me?

Have you missed me? Have you missed my cheeky irreverence? Have you missed my flirtation? Do you miss the conversations we’ve had? The way we discussed things so freely. The openess you said I had was so fun.

I am questioning again if what we had was real. Did I imagine the connection? I think I must have but then we touch base again. I get confirmation causing the doubt to end. It’s the silence that’s the bringer of doubt. 

Which brings me back to the question I proposed first, do you miss me? Are you glad I’m back again ready to share? 

Do you want an erotic story or poem or one of my rants? I want to know so please leave a comment!



Questioning

I don’t want to be possessive
But I’ve ended up obsessive.
I’m feeling like a fool
As if I’ve broken all the rules
Cuz I know it takes two
But it seems like it’s all by your rules
I know it’s past time
I’ve got to break away from you
Not sure where you stand
But this is getting out of hand.
Are we on or are we off?
Are we friends or more than that?
Don’t stand there looking at me like I’m insane
You know you have to take some of the blame.
The silence is deafening
Still I am left questioning
Wondering what to do and hoping the answer will come up soon.

Fucked Up Beyond All Reasoning

No one ever promised life was going to be easy but how in the world could someone be so heartless and cruel? These thoughts keeping popping in my head as I sit here trying to figure out how to help someone who is also hurting and lost without someone they love in their world. 

Losing someone you love is never easy but to know another member of the family is blatantly lashing out at someone who is low and wanting to make them pay for something they had no control over and already filled with guilt over the loss is just fucked up beyond all reasoning

In grief people do really stupid things. The truth of the situation is already fucked up beyond all reasoning. I don’t know how to express myself. I am trying to make sense of these things. I am trying to be Switzerland. I feel as if I am failing miserably on all counts. I want to be there for them both because we all have lost this person but tearing each other down isn’t what our loved one wanted. I know he would not be happy. 

Why is it wrong to kick a dog when it is already hurting and broken but to hurt someone else who is already at their lowest point ok? In what universe is that even okay. I can’t believe how fucked up beyond all reasoning this is. It’s a reality in my world. I can’t fix it. 

Yet in this fucked up situation I still have hope. The eternal optimist inside me still wants to believe that in the end everything is going to be okay.

It’s fucked up beyond all reasoning but I still believe in the end we will all be stronger.

The Wave

At first I was afraid

The pull and push

The rush and the roarwave

Until I embraced the motion

Became entranced by the commotion

Why fight what can not be denied?

It is futile and will overwhelm until I am exhausted.

Best to go with the flow

Give in and enjoy the ride

Wait in anticipation for the next wave

Be enfolded and caressed

Let the force of it melt away the distress

Join the oscillation

until I crash onto the shore and wait again

to be explored.

Outrageous Ain’t Disgracious

Somebody get rid of the grammar police and distract them with something totally outrageous like an orgy on a parade float. I am totally sick of not doing something out of the

Parade Float three girls

Parade Float three girls (Photo credit: anyjazz65)

crazy or impulsive which is why I have titled this blog in the manner that I have.

Every once in a while, there comes a time when the ordinary can seem outrageous or bland. Who in the world decides what is outrageous and what is norm?

Why is okay for men to discuss sex or sensuality among each other but if a woman and a man do the same thing they can be made to feel shameful. It’s not like they are cheating on spouses or anything of that nature they are just having a good discussion. I was doing this the other day on skype with a good friend and he changed the subject. I was like why? He just felt uncomfortable. There was nothing to be embarrassed about but he changed the subject to mobile phones.

Other men though really relish the thought of being a bit naughty. They love the idea of having their cake and eating too. I don’t mind discussing sex or hypothetical situations of the erotic nature because let’s face it basically I am a sensual creature who doesn’t mind being outrageous with the best or worse of humanity.

I do have my no go zones. I don’t enjoy anal sex. I have been told that it can be quite pleasurable but I have had my ex try it on my on the sly. I am turned off to that sort of escapade entirely thanks to him. I can write torrid scenes about anal sex but personally I am not interested in the least. If a penis was meant to go in my anus, God would have made it a two way street and not a one way exit. I do have a vagina and boy does that like to be explored and was meant to be penetrated.

My mind likes to trip on all sorts of things and outrageous isn’t disgracious by any means especially if it’s about exploration of the erotic nature. Do you find being outrageous disgracious? If so how or why?