I don’t want to be possessive But I’ve ended up obsessive. I’m feeling like a fool As if I’ve broken all the rules Cuz I know it takes two But it seems like it’s all by your rules I know it’s past time I’ve got to break away from you Not sure where you stand But this is getting out of hand. Are we on or are we off? Are we friends or more than that? Don’t stand there looking at me like I’m insane You know you have to take some of the blame. The silence is deafening Still I am left questioning Wondering what to do and hoping the answer will come up soon.
The idea had been formulating in her mind over years. It was a calculated risk for all parties involved but if executed properly everyone involved would be happy. The reality of the situation though is that things don’t often go to plan. Ideas are great on paper or in the mind but making them reality were on a totally different level which could backfire or derail at any moment. She wasn’t going to let fear though dictate what she wanted to transpire.
The tickets had been purchased. The car rental arranged. She had the address. There were so many other factors out of her control. It frightened her yet also added to the sense of anticipation she had built on the idea over the years.
It’s one thing to have a fantasy. It was another thing to try and make the fantasy a reality which was what she been plotting. No one had an inkling of what she had in mind. None of her family or her own partner knew her plot. He did know of the little dalliance she had with another man online. They had used this little scenario to heighten their own pleasure when they made love. It wasn’t a secret to either of the men in her life. They knew of the other party involved. She didn’t think she was being duplicitous even though she didn’t let her partner know that while she was away she was going to meet Larry. He often travelled for work and she did as well since she was going to a conference the following day in Chicago. She just neglected to inform her partner that she was seeing Larry, her online confidant/lover for his birthday. Larry had no idea either because it was THE surprise.
The plane touched down 5 minutes early. She rushed to the car rental, collected the car, and put Larry’s address into the GPS. It was 7 pm. Was he even going to be home? He could have gone out with friends to a local bar or to watch a game. If he wasn’t home how long was she willing to wait for him to get back? The questions fired off as she followed the instructions the GPS told her to do. Her flight back to Chicago was at 8 AM which meant she had to be back to the airport by 7. She didn’t have any luggage. She had all she needed in her oversized attaché case.
“You have reached your destination on the left.” The GPS announced in the whiny American female voice which grated her nerves. She pulled over, switched off the engine and collected her thoughts. She felt nauseous. Her palms were sweaty. What if he totally rejected her? She pounded the steering wheel to calm herself. Fear was not going to deter her. She looked at her reflection in the rear-view mirror. She needed to just relax. Deep cleansing breaths in and out slowly. She felt herself relax. She glanced at the car clock. 7:35. How long had she been sitting there trying to calm herself? She opened the car door. A Ford truck pulled into his driveway. She watched a man exit the truck with a 12 pack of beer. He didn’t even notice anyone as he started for the front door. Quickly she exited her rental, trying to act calm and sensual. She almost laughed at herself but focussed more on trying to be alluring than comical.
“Larry!?” Her voice broke the silence in the neighbourhood. He spun around to see who was addressing him. His face didn’t show any recognition at first. He watched the woman approaching trying to figure out how he was supposed to know her. It dawned on her that she might have just made the hugest mistake of her life. She reassured herself that life wasn’t living if you didn’t take a risk. His smile didn’t show recognition at all but common courtesy.
“Do I know you?” He still had his keys out heading towards the front door. He wasn’t sure what to make of this woman heading towards him in a business suit and oversized attaché case.
“It’s Jackie.” She crossed the street. Her shoes crunched on the driveway. He didn’t recognize her name. What was wrong with him? Obviously he didn’t think as highly of her as she thought of him. All those hours of talking online were for naught. She should probably just go book a motel room close to the airport and call Tom for phone sex. She should have never planned this birthday surprise for Larry who couldn’t even remember her.
He mumbled her name trying to figure out who she was. “OMFG!! Really Larry you don’t fucking recognize my name. And I stupidly bought all those lines you told me and whispered in my ear.” She spun around to get back to her rental. It was the tone of exasperation that hit Larry like a ton of bricks. “NO FUCKING WAY! Jackie from Australia?”
She spun around all venom now. “HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY DUDE!” She slammed the door shut while he ran towards the vehicle trying to stop her from leaving. She hit the start button. He put the 12 pack on the roof of her car. He flung himself across the hood to get the passenger door. He felt the car lurch. The passenger door wouldn’t open. “Come on Jackie, open the door.”
He saw the fire in her blue eyes that he always imagined it would have. He couldn’t believe she was really there but it was her. She had tears in her eyes. He never imagined she would pull off coming to see him but she was there and he had blown it.”Open the fucking door! And put this car into park. We can talk can’t we?”
Instead of unlocking the door she rolled down the window so they wouldn’t have to yell at each other. “It seems that is all I am good for… a good old chat!” She put the car in park. The beer was still on the roof. He tried to unlock the door from the window. She looked at him in his t-shirt. This was not the way she had imagined meeting him for the first time. In her mind she had romanticized how it would happen. They would have both been prepared. She couldn’t really blame him for not recognizing her.
“Hunny you didn’t even tell me you were in the area. How was I supposed to know you were going to be here. I thought you were in Australia.”
“If I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise.” She huffed but laughed at herself. “I wanted to be a surprise.”
“You want to come in and have a beer?” He retrieved the 12 pack from her roof.
She turned off the car. She grabbed her attaché case again exiting the vehicle after she rolled up the window. They both headed across the street. He opened the front door. “Sorry for the mess,” he apologized. “I wasn’t expecting company.”
“Got any glasses?” She asked him as she took out the bottle of champagne she had brought for herself.
He motioned for her to sit on the sofa after he moved the pizza boxes. He switched on the television which had a football game about to start. He returned with a wine glass for her and a bottle opener for himself. He sat down besides her opening the champagne for her and a bottle of beer for himself.
“To the birthday boy!” Jackie toasted and clicked her glass against his beer bottle. She took a sip from her glass.
He took a sip of beer just drinking in her presence. “As I live and breathe Jackie I never thought I would have met you today of all days. It’s been pretty fucked up for a birthday.”
She wasn’t sure how to respond to his statement. “A real shitter aye?” She finished the glass of bubbly and poured herself another.
He took the glass from her. He placed it on the coffee table. He pulled her close and kissed her gently at first with a hunger burning inside them both that took their breath away. It was no chaste kiss but one that promised potential that would consume them both if they were left to their own devices which was what Jackie had wanted all along. They kissed again. Hands roamed and fondled as they wanted. She took of her jacket and he took off his t-shirt. Clothes went flying mouths were exploring and touching. As more skin was revealed it was covered in kisses or flicked with a tongue. They were on the sofa doing as lovers are oft to do. After it was all over, he kissed the top of her head. “I know you are here but I don’t really know why you came.”
“I thought that was pretty obvious why I came. You knew how to play me.” The both laughed at her pun.
“I don’t know why you decided to be my birthday present.”
“Curiosity was the motivator. I had an opportunity and wanted to make the fantasy a reality. Is that so bad?”
“I don’t think so but you make it hard.”
“I certainly try my best to make you hard. A girl does enjoy sex when she’s got a good partner.”
“When do you have to leave?”
“In the morning so you better enjoy your birthday while it lasts. I have to be in Chicago for a conference.”
“How long will you be in Chicago?”
“Larry it’s only a 3 day conference. I don’t expect you to come and see me there. I just wanted to make your birthday memorable for you especially since it had such a fucked up start.”
He hugged her tight.”The birthday surprise certainly made up for the fuck up.”
No one ever promised life was going to be easy but how in the world could someone be so heartless and cruel? These thoughts keeping popping in my head as I sit here trying to figure out how to help someone who is also hurting and lost without someone they love in their world.
Losing someone you love is never easy but to know another member of the family is blatantly lashing out at someone who is low and wanting to make them pay for something they had no control over and already filled with guilt over the loss is just fucked up beyond all reasoning.
In grief people do really stupid things. The truth of the situation is already fucked up beyond all reasoning. I don’t know how to express myself. I am trying to make sense of these things. I am trying to be Switzerland. I feel as if I am failing miserably on all counts. I want to be there for them both because we all have lost this person but tearing each other down isn’t what our loved one wanted. I know he would not be happy.
Why is it wrong to kick a dog when it is already hurting and broken but to hurt someone else who is already at their lowest point ok? In what universe is that even okay. I can’t believe how fucked up beyond all reasoning this is. It’s a reality in my world. I can’t fix it.
Yet in this fucked up situation I still have hope. The eternal optimist inside me still wants to believe that in the end everything is going to be okay.
It’s fucked up beyond all reasoning but I still believe in the end we will all be stronger.
After a month of holding back, staying quiet, being mindful of how discreet we had to be it was so good to finally have the sort of sexual encounter that literally had me feeling like honey. I am pretty sure being in our own bed had something to do with my reaction. I knew I could just let go. I could revel in the sensations you were putting me through. Your touch was like honey. You had me creating my own sort of honey too. I felt as if I were sticky but oh so sweet. When you went down on me it was as if you were a hummingbird collecting my nectar from a honeysuckle blossom.
It was as if I was honey. Every time I thought I had enough you just got me going again and again. I couldn’t get honey out of my mind. I kept chanting honey. It was as if we were feeding off of each others energy. You would give and I would take. I would give and you would take. I didn’t want the production to stop but eventually you gave in to your own honey exploding into my honey pot.
I can’t wait for it to happen again. I anticipate our next encounter with each other when you are my honey and I am your honey. We’ll get all sticky, sweet, and indulge each others whims. Just let me know honey when you need another dip!
I want to be a blind man’s Iphone. It gets much more action than I ever get. Life before the Iphone was not so bad. I actually felt much more needed. He would never give his mobile that much attention until this stupid Iphone came into his life. I hate to admit this but I’m envious of voice over. I can’t believe all the flicks, twists, and pinches it gets. I get much less action than the Iphone now. I want to be triple clicked home. I want to be flicked. I can’t get over the action this Iphone has gotten as he has gotten more confident using it. I can’t get over the two finger double tap. I haven’t ever gotten a two finger double tap that much from him. Two finger flick down to read a selection. Omg! I think he has never two finger flicked down on me or even up. Just think of how things in our bedroom would be if he were to do some of these gestures to me. If he would rotate my nipples like he rotates the rotor, he might actually discover reactions from me he never had before. I’ll never forget the other night when I couldn’t sleep and thought I heard another woman’s voice only to discover he was using his Iphone. He wasn’t snoring but tapping and flicking away like it was the most sane thing to do. When I left the bed, he didn’t even bother to check on me. I know this sounds pathetic but I want to be a blind man’s Iphone so I can get the action that the Iphone receives. I want to be a blind man’s Iphone that gets really good useage.
Somebody get rid of the grammar police and distract them with something totally outrageous like an orgy on a parade float. I am totally sick of not doing something out of the
Parade Float three girls (Photo credit: anyjazz65)
crazy or impulsive which is why I have titled this blog in the manner that I have.
Every once in a while, there comes a time when the ordinary can seem outrageous or bland. Who in the world decides what is outrageous and what is norm?
Why is okay for men to discuss sex or sensuality among each other but if a woman and a man do the same thing they can be made to feel shameful. It’s not like they are cheating on spouses or anything of that nature they are just having a good discussion. I was doing this the other day on skype with a good friend and he changed the subject. I was like why? He just felt uncomfortable. There was nothing to be embarrassed about but he changed the subject to mobile phones.
Other men though really relish the thought of being a bit naughty. They love the idea of having their cake and eating too. I don’t mind discussing sex or hypothetical situations of the erotic nature because let’s face it basically I am a sensual creature who doesn’t mind being outrageous with the best or worse of humanity.
I do have my no go zones. I don’t enjoy anal sex. I have been told that it can be quite pleasurable but I have had my ex try it on my on the sly. I am turned off to that sort of escapade entirely thanks to him. I can write torrid scenes about anal sex but personally I am not interested in the least. If a penis was meant to go in my anus, God would have made it a two way street and not a one way exit. I do have a vagina and boy does that like to be explored and was meant to be penetrated.
My mind likes to trip on all sorts of things and outrageous isn’t disgracious by any means especially if it’s about exploration of the erotic nature. Do you find being outrageous disgracious? If so how or why?