I want to disappear. I am looking for a partner in crime. I want to be swept off my feet. To be lost in the tide with another who is just as lost as I. When we come together it will seem oh so fine to be lost in the disappearance until time is redefined.
It may only take a second, an hour, or five but when we disappear we’ll discover sensations beyond our own designs. We’ll feel desired in those moments when we are together disappeared to another world where right and wrong aren’t defined but elation rules otherwise sublime.
Sensation, elation, devastation, I want to disappear.
The last time we spoke you were having problems with your cable. I sent text messages but was greeted with no response. I am getting used to this. Our mutual friend hasn’t heard from you either which has us both wondering about you. She is far more understanding then I am when it comes to human nature.
This silence just brings out the longing in me. I hate it’s persistent grip on my mind.I am forever longing to be in contact with you. It feels like decades at times. I crave to hear your voice or just know that you are ok just busy with your own life. I have my own life too. I have a great life. I have a devoted husband who loves me but what exactly is this longing that I have for you.
I have said this before and I am sure I will say it again but I think I am going insane with this dang longing for you. It wants to rip me apart. Maybe it’s the dang appeal of you that drives me crazy. The sound of your voice, the innuendos that we speak of but never do. I think I am really losing it. I don’t think you care about me as much as you say you do. I think I have built you up in my mind.
It’s like a fantasy that has so much potential and if the reality ever came to be it would tear us apart. Do I have a desire to self destruct? I wonder if we all do. I want to lash out and scream for you. I want you to take me in your arms and crush out all these fears that are telling me to doubt you; to doubt the feeling that I have for you.
I try to convince myself that what we have isn’t real but if I am right why am I having these feelings of longing. I am questioning if you have these longings too but why should you if this isn’t real for you. I am going round in circles in my head. This silence from you isn’t helping me either. It’s just feeding the paranoia.
I know we live in two different worlds and when we come together we create our own. I know how insane I sound but nobody gets us like we do. I have this with my husband but I have this with you too and I know how greedy I am how greedy I can be.
I want what I want when I want it but sometimes you have to deal with the cards you are dealt with which only feeds the longing that I feel. Do you feel this longing too? Do you feel this longing for me? Please I beg you answer me.
I know I was quite flirty today when we spoke. I couldn’t help myself. It had been so long
“Jealousy and Flirtation” depicts a woman jealous of the attention given to another woman by a man. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
since I had heard your voice. I felt so giddy. My mind was in the gutter as usual and everything you said just kept me there until of course another friend joined our conversation. I was happy for a while until I realize you were focused on her. I am not jealous of her. If I am really honest maybe I was a little jealous but you are a bigger flirt than I am. You made me blush as well as her by some of the comments you made but the one thing that has me in a quandary is the bomb you dropped on us both.
At the end of the year, your live in is moving out and you are planning on coming out to visit me. Is it bad for me to admit that part of me is happy? Part of me doesn’t really believe that you will be able to come see me but a girl can dream. In my dreams you are with me but the reality is that the distance between us is humongous. I had a feeling that things with her would not work out but I don’t want to take joy in this. When she told you that she wanted to try with you to build a life together I was happy for you and sad for myself because I knew things with us would end. I had made that rule which we both agreed to. Everything for you wasn’t as rosy as you thought it would be. Now you are trying to help her back to where she was before she moved in with you. Part of me is so happy because I want what I want but in the end your happiness is what matters most.
I want you to be happy. I know I will always be number 2. It’s only fair because that is all I can give you. I want you to have someone who can be with you the way you want. I want her to have the same sort of sexual passion that you have. I want someone who will keep up with you and keep you on your toes. In my little universe I can have you and my hubby but the real world always invades bursting the joy bubble that I have inside my head. People say it’s all in the mind but I really wonder how much truth there is in that statement. I am forever having conversations in my head with you. I know I should be speaking to you but you always get distracted by other things. Our time together is short at best.
It would be nice to hug you. It would be nice to see your smile. It would be nice to just let nature take its course between us so I guess I will have to wait to see what the future holds for us both. I hope the new year will bring you to me so you can see how good I have it. If not, I will have to save because I was planning on returning to the land of my birth in two years anyway to visit lots of friends and relatives across the country. I have seeing you on my wish list. Is seeing me really on your wish list too?
There is something going on inside. There is an incessant craving that just won’t relent. It’s been growing, festering deep inside. The remedy only makes it worse at times, especially when satisfaction is brought out but not completed in the way you want.
The need to be touched has been given. The sensation of needing to be desired attended to. Giving in to the craving and just revelling in the feeling of being kissed, sucked, explored yet the one thing you want you just can’t get. The feeling that you can be satisfied but not really the way you want because what you want isn’t quite ready to be acquired.
Fingers and tongue help relief the symptoms but it is just not going until you get exactly what you want. Next thing you know you are snapping at your lover because you want something and he wants to give it to you but he can’t because things just aren’t working for him the way you both want. He is more than willing to pleasure you though.
A feeling of selfishness creeps in even though he’s told you that its fine. Now you not only have this incessant craving you feel another pang of guilt. In the end though, it will all work out until of course the incessant craving begins to build up again.
Why he puts up with you, you just don’t know. You just appreciate the patient lover you have and tell the guilt to shut up and get the fuck out of your head.
And so it goes I read your thoughts which touched my heart but not sure where to even start. I’m not scared to let you in. I know where I stand; I’m not about to bend.
Words exchange, they form the thoughts which we engage in and can be tantalized. I wait anxiously for your reply anticipating your thoughts hoping that our minds will meet again. Funny how words can fill you with hope. Funny how words can fill you with desire. Funny how words can fill you with dread.
Maybe I should have left this all unsaid. When will we have the meeting of the minds?
It had been a long while since I had gotten a message from him. I actually thought he had forgotten me. It only took a message to send my mind reeling down the road I hadn’t been on in seven months. Seven months of silence, seven months of wondering how a chance encounter could make me wet just from reading that one message from him.
Everyone thinks I am just the straightest, proper assistant and perfect wife.They would never think I would seek something outside of my relationship with Martin who doted on me and our children. How would I ever do anything that devious? When could I find time to cheat on dear Martin? He was always with me or the children while I assisted him with the online business or hosting one of the many functions he had organized.
Seven fucking months since I got a message from him and I am sitting looking at the message with a wet spot on my panties thinking about the one encounter wishing it would happen again but since I hadn’t heard from him thinking it was just nothing. A bit on the side which was fine because that was all it was suppose to be.
Seven months of reliving in my mind every caress that he gave my skin. Seven months of analyzing my response to his touch, his kisses, his probing questions as he fucked me while Martin watched on the web camera in our bedroom masturbating while I was having sex with him.
Seven months since I had been to that conference alone while my sister took care of the children because Martin didn’t feel he would be able to care for the children as well as I could or indulge himself as freely as he wanted to because the children were around so Sabrina took in our little tribe. It was only a 3 night conference but those three nights with him changed me in ways I didn’t think I could be changed.
I had to play it cool when I returned home because I didn’t want Martin to know how much Jeff had pushed my buttons. Martin had enjoyed the encounter as well but I had to play my cards close to my chest. If he knew how much I was hoping to be in contact with Jeff, he would not have been pleased because things had to be under his control. Frankly, I was sick of being controlled but I do love Martin.
Longing 2 see you, I stared at my monitor wanting to write back but not sure what to say. How was I going to extract myself from Martin and the children just to meet up with Jeff. I didn’t want Martin to know of my desire or intent because I had never gone to a meet up alone without Martin’s knowledge. Deceit is not my area of expertise but I wanted it to be. I wanted to be it’s mistress just so I could be alone again with Jeff.
My hands were shaking as I typed back: I know that feeling all too well.
Jeff responded right away. I am in your town for a night. I am staying at the Sheraton on High Room 312.
Was that a river I felt between my thighs? I swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn’t know what to write or how to get there but I knew without a doubt I wanted to be there with him in room 312. It felt like seven more months had passed for me before I typed back. Not sure if I can make it but I will try.
I’ll be waiting. My checkout time is 10 AM.
I logged out of messenger with a throbbing sensation all over my body. I had to get to the Sheraton. Martin was out with his friends. It was short notice for Sabrina. I contemplated my situation. I didn’t care if Martin disproved of my decision. Not everything would work out the way he wanted it to. He didn’t have to see or know everything I did. I wasn’t sure how long I would be gone but I knew I could leave the children alone to their own devices. It was not the proper thing to do.
I picked up the phone. Sabrina answered on the third ring. “Is there anyway I could bring the kids over sis. Martin is out and an old friend wants to get together with me. I know this is last minute but he’s only here for the night.”
Sabrina sighed but I could tell she was going to crumble. “Bring them over but don’t stay out too late. I have to teach in the morning.”
“I owe you Sabrina.”
“When do you not Ellie, one day I will have kids and you will have to baby sit.” We hung up.
Quickly I gathered the children into my car and to Sabrina’s apartment knowing that soon I would be at room 312 of Sheraton on High. Would the seven months waiting be worth it?